When I saw the movie "Flu Birds" on the shelf at the video store, I was hoping for a pseduo post-apocalyptic movie or at the very least an "Outbreak"-style movie about the bird flu and pandemic.
What I got was a monster/slasher movie with mostly bad acting and formulaic characters. The movie starts with a pair of hunters entering the woods to go deer hunting and one of them being attacked by pteradactyl-looking large, but not giant, birds. Much later in the movie when a park ranger sees them, he claims they are probably derivatives of the condor family of birds.
I objected to his use of the word derivative and thought his assessment, based on seeing one of them soar behind his vehicle at high rates of speed, was unbelievable at best, but well so was the entire movie.
After the scene with the hunters, we encounter a group of juvenile offenders brought to the woods as part of their rehabilitation program. Again, the group is largely stereotypes pretending to be characters. There's the tough girl who did wrong but has a good heart, the sexy bad boy, the brainless tramp, a suburban gangster wannabe, and the pothead.
A couple of the early victims don't even warrant that much characterization. Shortly after they are introduced, one of them is attacked and the camp counselor is killed while screaming for them to run away. Shortly thereafter the park ranger finds the one hunter who survived the encounter with the birds, but the hunter is unconscious and cannot talk about what attacked him.
Through badly done medical scenes, we learn that he was attacked by a bird (duh!) and has contracted a mutated, severe strain of the avian (bird) flu. The "doctors" call in the Centers for Disease Control and offer an oratory on the fact that the bird flu has never been seen on this continent, much less in a mutated form.
The movie just goes downhill from there. The CDC officials that arrive are poorly-trained commandos in black SWAT-esque gear and rebreathers. The infection control procedures in the hospital where the first victim is taken are non-existence and the CDC lets two people who have been in contact with the disease leave to go try to rescue the kids in the woods.
The end is predictable and the foreshadowing is poorly done. There is some satisfaction that the truly evil (most of them) get what they deserve, but some people survive that according to the rules of horror films shouldn't have.
And, there are truly bad editing mistakes. At one point, the tramp and the bad boy are making out (the most sex the movie offers) and we see her take down the straps of her tank top. In the very next scene when the monsters attack, her shirt is fully in place with no sign that she had to put it back on.
While this was not as bad as some movies I've seen, like "Absolute Zero" or as bad as ones I've had to turn off midway through, this is not a movie I'd ever recommend. And, for Dawn, this is definitely not a horror movie to watch. My friend Dawn has a problem with birds and is especially terrified when birds attack the eyes. This movie would definitely make her squirm.
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Flu Birds Not The Movie I Hoped For
Labels:
avian flu,
bad horror,
bird flu,
birds pecking eyes out,
CDC,
flu birds,
movies
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